Father's Day in Hawaii
Okay, waking up in Maui on Fathers Day automatically makes this the best Fathers Day ever. We all woke up about the same time. Dillon had hand carried a Fathers Day gift he made in school in his backpack and he was just busting to give it to me. After cards, coffee in bed and presents, Michelle leaned over and asked me what i wanted to do today. I looked back at her and said “I'm doing it.” As beautiful as Maui is, and as much as I would have loved to see the rest of it, I was tired of driving around all over heck and back. I wanted to chill out and relax. We had made plans to go to Lahaina to the Old Lahaina Luau, so I figured a day of hanging around the pool and beach was warranted. So that's what we did.
We had a blast at the beach and pool, we drank and ate and just had generally great time. Anticipating much drinking and carousing at the Luau, I booked a shuttle bus trip to Lahaina, which we had to meet at 2:30 (because we wanted to visit some more of the shops.) The map that the Luau gives out puts its location just at the edge of the two block area that is the Front Street entertainment district (my name for it.) THIS MAP IS A LIE! It's not to scale, not even close. The location of the luau is a good two mile walk from the edge of the three block commercial district on Front Street where all of the shops, bars and restaurants are located. This became a problem because we walked to where we thought the luau was about five minutes AFTER check-in was supposed to start. We wandered around for 10 minutes looking for the place until someone who seemed to recognize the lost look on our face pointed us in the right direction.
We hustled our way down to the luau, We were all hot and sweaty when we got there. I was kind of pissed at the place for giving out such a deceiving map, but that dissipated quickly when they stuck a Mai Tai in my hands. Its alcohol content was questionable, but it was cold and tasty and I sucked it right down.
The Old Lahaina luau is one of the many luaus on Maui, but it comes billed as the most authentic polynesian luaus in all of Hawaii. The emphasis is on traditional Hawaiian dance and on retelling of Hawaiian history as opposed to the showmanship of the fire dancers and whatnot at the other places. It also came recommended very enthusiastically from nearly everyone we talked to.
The luau site is made up to look like a small polynesian village complete with grass huts and tikis. Picnic style tables surround the performance area and small serving areas surround the tables. The imu (the buried oven where the kalua pig is cooked) is off to one side. The bar is open and dispensing drinks very freely. Michelle came back from the bar with some green concoction which was not good. Noticing my displeasure our waiter said he would bring me a green drink I would love. He disappeared and returned with something he called “Liquid Hash.” It was great. I'm not sure what was in it, and the waiter wouldn't tell me. As a matter of fact when I tried to confirm the name of the drink, he quickly backtracked and called it “Old Lahaina Swamp Water.” I looked at him and called him on the name. He explained that it was something the bartenders made up, but they weren't allowed to refer to it by its original name. I ordered three more. It was about then that we saw a truly striking rainbow. The fact that I got a picture of it means that it wasn't alcohol induced.
Our waiter took us over to the serving area and explained the spread to us. There was a LOT of food, a list of stuff so long Id probably gain three pounds just typing it. Grilled steak, chicken, salads, baked taro root (which tastes like baked sweet potato) and of course the required bowl of poi. Everyone made a face when the waiter said the word poi, but he explained what its traditional use is and I decided I would give it a try. Poi, it seems, is a taro root paste which is best used as a condiment. The old Hawaiians would need to cure their fish and pork for the long travels between islands. The curing process leaves the meat tasting very salty, so they would use the poi as a dipping sauce in order to take some of the salty flavor out of their food. The waiter then recommended that we should eat the poi the traditional way, if we were inclined to try it. I tried it and, while not overly disgusting, I wouldn't say it changed my attitude towards poi. The food was great overall, though, and I ate like five times my own body weight. And that was before I went to the dessert tray.
As showtime approached our waiter came and took another drink order, and then informed us that he was going to be absent for a while because he was performing in the show. He said someone had called in sick and that he was pulling double duty. We assumed that he meant he was subbing for an ailing performer, but when we noticed that his picture was on the cover of the brochure and that he had a major role in the show we realized that he was a performer doubling as a waiter.
The show itself was very entertaining, providing a look at hula dancing in the islands history. There were a bunch of costume changes and a ton of dancing. Midway through the show our waiter/performer appeared again to take another drink order, which was delivered by a different waiter. By this time, our table was covered with the remains of several glasses of Mai Tais and Liquid Hashes. Dustin gave me one of his patented little boy disapproving looks and says “Dad, remember, the second beer is never a good idea.” I downed my Liquid Hash and pointed out that I wasn't drinking beer and it was Fathers Day and he should cut me some slack. He did, begrudgingly.
As the show was drawing to its conclusion, Kekai (our waiter/performer) appeared again, dripping with sweat and telling me that the bar was about to close and I should order up if I wanted anything else. I ordered another four Liquid Hashes, expecting that they would be delivered by the bus boy again. Much to my surprise Kekai delivered them himself on his way back to the backstage area, dropping them off with a big smile and then disappearing in a flash. I had no sooner lifted the first drink to my lips when I saw my man back on stage in a different costume, participating the in the grand finale. I was impressed. No, make that amazed. The man went above and beyond to make sure that I had one more drink (or several more drinks as the case may be) and it wasn't like he was stopping off at all of his tables and taking drink orders. I felt special.
The show ended and, finding the ability to walk, I staggered over to meet our shuttle bus for the ride back to the hotel. Our driver was very talkative and doing his best to kill my buzz. The rum coursing through my body started to take its toll and the twenty mile hike from the lobby to our room nearly did me in. I collapsed into a heap.I think Michelle undressed me (although the fact that I cant remember means I didn't enjoy it.) This was, without a doubt, the way EVERY man should spend his fathers day.
It’s Sunday night and we've got one more day and a wake up in paradise.
Comments