Idol Minds

Now I know why I don't watch American Idol, the thing is rigged. I came home from my hockey game (first round victory for the drunken monkeys thank you very much) and my wife was watching tonight's episode. I'm not sure what the theme or the point of the episode was, but people were singing duets.

There is a contestant, some dude named Adam Lambert, who everyone has a serious hard-on for. He sang an over-produced version of Led Zepplin's Whole Lotta Love and then joined some woman whose name I did not catch on a duet of Foghat's Slow Ride.

This guy has a nice voice, but he is NOT a rock star. He benefited from a much higher level of musical production than the other contestants and got away with basically singing karaoke on national television. There was nothing BAD about the singing, but he did nothing with the tunes and they felt so bland that they would have been better suited performed at some children's theme park or in the lounge of a cruise ship at 4:00 AM.

I don't think he understood what the songs were about, he substituted poses for passion and syrup for soul. Slow Ride is a rollicking rock/blues tune about having sex all night. Whole Lotta Love is about the same thing. They are primal, but they are also soulful because underneath the raunch there is passion, a building burning desire that can only be quenched with an all-night hump-fest. Lambert got lost in the vocal stylings ad forgot the passion. This was really evident on the Zepplin tune where Lambert got lost in copying Robert Plant's vocal stylings and forgot to interpret the feeling.

I can excuse that, those two tunes are some of the most smokin' songs of their era. What was appalling to me was how much the judges loved, and I mean LOVED this guy. They were all wanting to jump his bones. I was screaming at the TV "For God's sake GET OFF THE MAN'S DICK". Seriously they gushed so much it was embarrassing and it called into question their musical judgement.

According to my wife this Lambert guy has a musical theater background, It shows, He needs to be singing show tunes (not an insult, just an observation) he needs to be doing something where he can prance and pose and perform and get everyone to love him. He is not a rock star and he is certainly not, as judge Kara DioGuardi called him, a rock GOD. Seriously, a rock god, this guy. The judges are making me hate this dude.

It also seems clear that the whole thing is being thrown this guy's way. Someone has something invested in Lambert and the fix, as they say, seems to be in. Yesterday Simon Cowell apparently anointed Lambert the winner.

I think the only hope for truth and justice is if the American people, or the people who would vote in American Idol finals, turn their douchebag meters on high and vote for whoever is in the finals against Lambert. Stick your heads out the window and yell "I am NOT a moron and I am NOT going to take this anymore!"

Do it for yourself, do it for your sense of fair play, to it for a generation of young kids who NEED to know that rampant poserisim will not be rewarded.